


The Scaffold

by kitnkabootle



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, berena - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-10
Updated: 2016-10-10
Packaged: 2018-08-21 18:48:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8256559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitnkabootle/pseuds/kitnkabootle
Summary: Bernie feels the day of her return like a blade to an artery, looming and menacing. She walks around her barren flat, light-footed and cautious as though at any moment the blade will slip and plunge everything into darkness.





	

Bernie feels the day of her return like a blade to an artery, looming and menacing. She walks around her barren flat, light-footed and cautious as though at any moment the blade will slip and plunge everything into darkness.

She fumbles with everything that morning; her keys, a cigarette, her sanity. Her grip on the steering wheel is white knuckled as each mile is swallowed under her. Then her chest is unbearably tight as Holby City Hospital is suddenly towering above her like a masked executioner. 

She doesn’t remember the walk through the lobby, in to the lift and up to AAU because her thoughts are consumed by the many times she’s made the same walk with her. She remembers those days, wishing they had just a little bit further to go, an excuse to move alongside Serena like a shadow. Now the same walk feels like the march from the bowels of the dungeon to the cold trapped confines of tower green. Each lit floor announcement, a step up the scaffold. Her mouth is dry and her nerves frayed, her head a torrent of thoughts and emotions that she can’t cling to.

Then she’s on the ward and there are people welcoming her back, smiling kindly at her. She tries to be polite, tries to smile despite the feeling that her face is cracking. She speaks few words, hoping they’re the right ones, and remembers nothing by the time she gets to the office she shared… she  _shares_ with Serena.

When she steps in and closes the door behind her she makes immediate eye contact with her. Bernie feels the blood draining from her face, pulsing through her veins and she can’t look away. Serena’s eyes are softer than she remembers from their parting, her expression at first indecipherable. Bernie speaks and Serena’s name falls from her lips as easily as it once had, but the notes are different now. Serena’s face softens even more and a smile graces her mouth, “Welcome back, Major.”

Bernie feels her own lips forming in to a smile and the ropes and threads of her self-consciousness begin to untie one by one until she feels the freeness. They talk very little about the past and quite a lot about the patients and cases at hand. For a moment, Bernie allows herself to indulge in the feeling of closeness as she stands above Serena’s desk and reads though a chart. 

The day is a series of problems and solutions, of anecdotes, of wins and losses. It’s the epitome of a usual day on AAU and by the end of it, Bernie can barely remember why she was so frightened to come back.

When they’re alone in the office and Serena is packing her bag to leave, Bernie easily closes the distance between them, drawing a more intimate, friendly veil over their interactions. 

“Would you like to come for a drink?” Bernie asks and closes her hands together, “I’m buying!”

It’s such a simple and familiar gesture and to Bernie it feels as though no time has passed. It feels as though she’s back as if she’s only ever stepped out for a cup of coffee. Her months of worry, the sleepless nights, the times when things got so dark that she never thought she’d get out of them - it’s all been in vain.

Then Serena looks up at her, pulls her bag over her shoulder, and turns an almost pitying smile on her, “You know, I don’t think I will.”

Then Serena is gone.

Bernie is frozen, standing stock-still, the executioner breathing at the nape of her neck. She feels the ropes tightening, the nightmares creeping in through a back window that someone’s left undone. Her thoughts are swimming, the world ending and no one seems to know it but her.

_She’s back, as though she’s just stepped out for a cup of coffee and Serena is gone._


End file.
